Ling worked in a multi-national corporation in Shanghai and happily married to her superior a few months ago. Her husband Raphael was from Germany. Being young and capable, he was assigned to Shanghai branch to assist in company’s expansion in China. Over there, he met his dream girl and decided to settle down in this strange city. While enjoying the marriage, the newlywed already had conflicts due to cultural differences.
One day, the light in the kitchen was not working. Raphael was going to replace the bulb. Since the light was quite high, he moved a chair over and stood on it. Afraid that Raphael might accidentally lose his footing, Ling ran over to hold the chair and his legs.
“I’m trying to help you. Just in case you lost your balance.”
“What?” Raphael said angrily, “You think your husband can’t even change a light bulb?”
Ling felt wronged and upset. Being a traditional Chinese girl, she was just trying to show her care. But her behavior, which was quite common in Chinese culture, turned out to be an insult to her husband.
In this generation of globalization and migration, it is no longer difficult to observe different cultures in one society. Not only for the newlywed in the story, we all experience intercultural differences in our lives one way or another. Thus, it is important to understand and adapt to various cultural behaviors in order to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.
Hi XiaoYu,
ReplyDeleteSo from your story, is it correct for me to say that German guys do not like their wife to help them or care for them? I guess both parties must be tolerant as well rather than only adapting to the culture differences. Since marriage is for life, both Raphael and Ling should understand how their culture works and give in sometimes. Intercultural marriage is not easy especially with people from countries that you are not familiar with.
Gail
Hi Xiaoyu
ReplyDeleteI believe what we observed here is that Rapheal seems to be displaying signs of males chauvinism typical of males from western countries. I agree with you that we should be sensitive to intercultural differences and tread carefully in order to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. However, I also feel that we should take care not to jump to conclusions about someone purely based on which culture he or she is from. In other words, we should not stereotype. I believe everyone is a unique individual and we should not judge someone purely based on his culture or background.
Huiyi
Hi Xiaoyu
ReplyDeleteIt was a good post. Inter-cultural marriages is a fascinating topic. I've had cousins who married someone from a different race. While things always seemed good at the onset, they did higlight to me that the 'going' gets complicated as the years go by. This is particularly so when children come into the picture. What faith?, what name for the child? are some of the many problems that surface. It would have been good if you had dwelled a on some of the critical challenges these couples may potentially encounter.
Unlike Huiyi,I do not believe Raphael was being a male chauvinist, but rather he could not rationalize his wife's good intentions. In fcat, put an Asian men in thsi context, and I wouldn't be surprised if he were to react similarly. While I am more inclined to believe that Western men tend to be quite egoistic, I beleive Asian men can be too as well. From the scenario that you had described, I don't necessarily think the issue here is one of cultural difference. Most likely, Raphael was taken aback by his wife's sudden action, and in that moment, was a little impulsive with his choice of words.
However, I do feel that intercultural marriages bring along its own set of intricacies. Spouses need to understand each others' culture, practices and norms. I always believe a marriage is merely not just a union between a man and woman, but rather one is marrying into another family. They ought to know their in-laws well too to establish that good rapport and understanding.
The problems in inter-racial marriages are challenging, but it should be in no way be a hindrance to the possibility of such a marriage itself. Partners need to understand what they are getting themselves into and have the mindset that they are willing to work around their differences. It is always easy to say what ought to be done, but if Raphael and Ling can reconcile their differences and be open to communication, they can work certainly work things out. I also think Ling shouldn't be too hard on herself about the whole situation. She's just got married, and it always pays to be optimistic and positive.
Best
-Prashant
Hi fellows,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much with your comments!
I agree with Huiyi that Raphael displayed signs of males chauvinism, which might be quite typical in Germany. I also agree with Gail and Prashant that intercultural differences could be quite difficult when it goes into a marriage. However, just as Prashant mentioned, since they are already married, they should find the way to reconcile their differences and be open to communication. Only in this way can they sustain a healthy relationship.
Xiaoyu