No man is an island. Life without family and friends is dull and incomplete, just like a garden without flowers. Good relationships are precious but also seem to be perishable. Misunderstandings and conflicts can easily destroy a relationship.
I used to be my mother’s good girl. I told her everything happened in school, from teachers’ compliments to my little friends’ secrets. However, the relationship had grown cold when I became a teenager. Feeling that my thoughts and behaviors could not be understood, I rebelled against my mother and became extremely impatient with her. Every conversation could lead to a quarrel and result in a “war”.
“Why can’t you be quiet? I can’t bear you any more!” I yelled at my mother.
My mother was absolutely furious. Her eyes were sparkling with angry flame. “How could you say that to me? I’m your mother and I just want to do you good!”
“I’m 15 years old. Stop telling me what I am supposed to do! I can make my own decisions!” I looked back into her eyes bravely and shouted as loudly as I could.
During those days, we “communicated” in that way. Where once there had been closeness, there was only strain. As I’ve grown older, I realize how rude and immature I was. Those shouts and yells did not help expressing my thoughts, but only disappointed my mother and tore our relationship apart.
Now I’m here in Singapore, while my mother is still in China. We talk through phone and MSN a few times every week. Of course, we still have disagreement sometimes, but I’ll explain my thoughts patiently and mother will also tell me her concerns. Through this way, we understand each other better and we are close again. I’m still my mother’s girl.
Xiaoyu
Xiaoyu, I have to admit; the growing phase of a teenager to an adult is a tricky puzzle to decipher completely. When we shout to make a point, we are actually ruling out any forms of feedback or compromise as the relationship becomes highly strained. But yet, many teenagers or even young adults still do it, despite knowing that there are better alternative ways of resolving interpersonal conflicts.
ReplyDeleteI, for one, share your sentiment. But ever since I went for exchange to UofT, I started to commuicate much more effectively with my parents. For one, I certainly do not take the relationship for granted and there was a conscientious effort to understand the other party's point of view as well. It is inevitable that interperosnal conflicts will still occur, but it is the way we handle them and attempt to compromise indifferences with a open and rational mind that will make a difference.
And it is indeed great to see reciprocity in the communication between you and your mum. I am sure your mum would be very pleased.
Hi Xiaoyu
ReplyDeleteI have also went through this similar adolescent phase where me and my parent simply do not see eye to eye on almost every issue and conversations would often end in quarrels and unhappiness. What I had learnt from this is that we should never let our emotions get the better of ourselves and the importance of effective communication.
Personally, whenever I feel that I am unable to keep in check my emotions, I would withdraw myself from the situation and use a few minutes to calm down and ponder through the issue carefully. This method has served me well when managing conflicts with others and I hope you may find it useful as well. =D
Huiyi
Prashant and Huiyi, thank you so much for the comments and suggestions. My relationship with mother does improve a lot after I came to Singapore. Maybe because we have more time to calm down and think. Or maybe it is just because I'm maturer. :p Anyway, I do agree that in order to communicate effectively, sometimes we should control our emotions.
ReplyDeleteDear xiaoyu,
ReplyDeleteI think most of us have been through this stage in their teen years and its really wonderful that your relationship with your mum has improved. I agree with you that mutual understanding is essential and I particularly feel that it plays a major role in managing interpersonal relationships. In addition, I also feel that being honest yet tactful would really help to make things even better when managing interpersonal relations as issues can be more effectively solved and emotional hurt that may occur can be reduced to the minimal. What do u think?
-Jessica
Good to hear that the relationship between the both of you is well. I guess we all go thought the same phase of rebellious streak, its part and parcel of growing up. Maybe it could be such experience that provides us the opportunity to grow and mature. Similarly I think communication is the same too. With more interactions and experiences, our communication skills would be more polished and we will be better equipped to deal with such arguments or conflicts in the future.
ReplyDelete