Resolving interpersonal conflict

Lisa was student from NUS. During her second year, she enrolled in the student exchange program and got a chance to study in the University of California, Santa Barbara. In order to experience real American cultures, she decided to rent an apartment instead of staying on campus. Luckily, she found a single-room apartment that was only five-minute walk from campus. What’s more, she had a local girl as her roommate. Everything was perfect and Lisa was really excited about her new life.

Laura was Lisa’s roommate. She was a typical California girl – friendly and cheerful. After a few days, the two girls became very good friends. However, there was one problem between the girls. Laura had a boyfriend who lived in San Diego. Every Friday, her boyfriend would come to Santa Barbara to spend the weekend with Laura. Since Lisa and Laura slept in one bedroom, Lisa felt quite embarrassed to share one bedroom with a couple. One day, Lisa implied her feeling to Laura and told her she was from a more conservative country. Laura looked quite embarrassed. She apologized and explained that it was their culture. From then on, Laura never asked her boyfriend to stay overnight. Her boyfriend still came to Santa Barbara every weekend, but he could only stay for a few hours then had to head back to San Diego. Lisa was a bit sorry about it. She also felt Laura was not that close to her anymore.

If you were Lisa, what would you do?

Why effective communication is important...

No man is an island. Life without family and friends is dull and incomplete, just like a garden without flowers. Good relationships are precious but also seem to be perishable. Misunderstandings and conflicts can easily destroy a relationship.

I used to be my mother’s good girl. I told her everything happened in school, from teachers’ compliments to my little friends’ secrets. However, the relationship had grown cold when I became a teenager. Feeling that my thoughts and behaviors could not be understood, I rebelled against my mother and became extremely impatient with her. Every conversation could lead to a quarrel and result in a “war”.

“Why can’t you be quiet? I can’t bear you any more!” I yelled at my mother.

My mother was absolutely furious. Her eyes were sparkling with angry flame. “How could you say that to me? I’m your mother and I just want to do you good!”

“I’m 15 years old. Stop telling me what I am supposed to do! I can make my own decisions!” I looked back into her eyes bravely and shouted as loudly as I could.

During those days, we “communicated” in that way. Where once there had been closeness, there was only strain. As I’ve grown older, I realize how rude and immature I was. Those shouts and yells did not help expressing my thoughts, but only disappointed my mother and tore our relationship apart.

Now I’m here in Singapore, while my mother is still in China. We talk through phone and MSN a few times every week. Of course, we still have disagreement sometimes, but I’ll explain my thoughts patiently and mother will also tell me her concerns. Through this way, we understand each other better and we are close again. I’m still my mother’s girl.

Xiaoyu